We've been thinking about the French revolution lately. The French Revolution brought about a time of confusion and chaos and violence and destruction and insanity in France, and since our country seems to be heading in the same direction, we thought it fitting to name our new tour in honor of our melodramatic cousins across the sea. We bring you the Tour de Malcontentment, which translated to Tour of Unhappy. Because that doesn't sound depressing.
Let's be real here; we are unhappy, and so are you. Come tell us about it. We're good listeners. And just maybe our off-puttingly passionate bluegrass songs about the politics of animal friendship or whatever the fuck we write about will help you achieve some kind of emotional catharsis. Or maybe a giant meteor will wipe us all out. History is mortal. Put on your dancing shoes!
What the fuck am I supposed to be writing about? Oh right, okay, so between the dates of February 16th and February 26th, we will be traveling up and down the east coast, creating job opportunities and improving society. If you happen live in any of the cities we've targeted, you may not know it yet, but you've just been handed the chance of a lifetime. I talked about the emotional catharsis already, there will be that, I didn't talk about the T-shirts, there are gonna be T-shirts. We're gonna be selling T-shirts. We have a strong anti-capitalist ethos.
I am drowning in a bottomless pit of despair. If you're not an asshole, you're probably not feeling too great about things right now either. Come see my band play when we come to your town and maybe together we can find a moment of inner peace. Or maybe some nazis will show up and we can show them what a fist tastes like.